First Contact Sheet

Here's the first one! Not sure how productive it was, but now you know what my shower looks like.

Unrelated: Maybe its bad to be admitting this, but I am watching RuPaul's Drag Race. It is amazing. RuPaul is out. of. control. ("Are you a Diana Ross? Oh heeeeyyy! Or are you just a supreme? Oooh!")

Attempts

I'm taking a class in the studio again this semester. I like working in the studio, but I'm awful at coming up with concepts for "commercial" photography. It is very difficult for me to think of making photographs in order to sell a product. Some people are great at it, but I would rather just get out some rocks or bugs and shoot those instead.



Here's another one I shot in the studio. This is me. I love the motion in this, the blur and the mess of hair. Hair monster.

What am I getting at? Something, anyway.

I think I'm going to start something new. I'm going to take pictures every day, even if they are bland. I'll make a little grid of 12 images and post them here. I'm sort of ripping this idea off from Liz Kubal (http://www.lizkuball.com/blog/) but my images will be so different I don't think it is a problem. Hold me accountable, my two readers! Tell me if you like what you see.

I'll start tomorrow though. These are tantalizing enough for tonight.

thinking

Sometimes I freak out and think that I am a terrible artist. Sometimes I take a picture like this and get cocky. Neither is productive.

I'm concerned with my output. Not enough work being made. I'm afraid this new job I'm getting will take all my time away again. At my old job I never had weekends. Rarely had a day off, I was either at work or school or both. I'm worried that this will happen again, hell, it will happen again. But its either work away all my free time or mooch off my boyfriend and parents. One of these is better than the other but both are awful. (In the UK they would call this whingeing)

Well, this blog was supposed to be about my art making process. I keep coming back to leaves when I shoot. They are so articulate. Well designed. Did you know that the way branches form--with one study branch that shoots off into thinner ones that eventually grow and produce even more branches--is the same way our veins form in our body? Nature is efficient.

three and four and

I still haven't found a job, but not for lack of trying. I've applied to about 10 places now, I haven't heard from anyone yet. Part of me is very, very worried about this. The rest of me is sort of enjoying it-- I've never had the luxury to focus on my classes alone. I have so much more energy and I've been having lots of ideas art-wise. I guess that says something about the jobs I have held, doesn't it?

Thing is, I've always sort of assumed that I would be miserable in whatever job I am in, especially the part-time stuff through college. Perhaps that is wrong, perhaps its my outlook that is incorrect.

Our house is right under the flight path of all the airplanes landing at Mineta Airport. They come down pretty low above the house. We have double pane windows though, so all you hear is a little "swooosh" and see an airplane out the window.

The kid that did that deserves a Maybach

One of my new years resolutions was to write in this more often. To be more transparent about who I am. I keep to myself a little too much, few people know me. So here we go.

The holidays were really wonderful. Without being overwhelmingly sappy, Christmas was great. I have an awesome boyfriend and my family rules. And while I know the holidays aren't all about presents, I have to mention one of them: Jay got me a new camera. Its pretty amazing, it just takes pictures like this with an effortless grace:



That is Jay waiting in line at the Museum of Natural Science, where we went for my birthday. My birthday is January 4th, so in my mind it is just part of the holidays. I'm 23 now. That's fine, I don't have many thoughts about it really. Mostly I view my birthday as inconvenient, its at a weird time.



I just liked this one alot.

So then yesterday I lost my job, which sort of makes all the shopping and things I have done over the past few weeks seem very stupid. Five people were cut from my store, same thing is happening at other places around here too. What sucks about this whole thing is that I didn't get a two weeks notice-- I really liked all my coworkers and didn't get a chance to say good bye to anyone. Nor was I able to brace myself and plan ahead. I would feel pretty stupid going in now though, I don't want to be that awkward person.

So now I have a whole lot of free time. Maybe I can finally start working on becoming a WWE Diva like I've always dreamed. If you need more history of the WWE Divas, here's a link that pretty much explains it all: Women's History Month. Or maybe, you know, I'll get another job. Psh, who am I kidding? I've already started down the Diva road.

The weird thing about all of this is that Jay and I planned to go on a trip to Florida starting tomorrow, which now feels exorbitant to me. I should be trying to get a job instead! But the trip has all been planned and paid for, so that would be stupid. I'll try to keep this updated with Florida-ness, I know all three of you are very excited.

ugh i hope that idiocy didn't show up on anyones blog reader, shit

Strings (and things)

This is the start of something I want to work on. Its going to get bigger than this, its going to be more complicated than this, but this is the beginning of it. Part of this is about how we connect what we see everyday to our own existance. Its also a little bit about fragility (my own? nawww). Also, its about whatever it makes you think about. What does it make you think about?



I have a question for you, my readers (all five of you!): Do you ever feel that the closer you are to someone, the harder is it to talk about certain things? For example, I've never been able to talk about my art with anyone I was in a romantic relationship with. Its much, much easier for me to talk about my work to people I am not close with. My boyfriend is a really talented musician, and I think he is the same way. He'll play something for me and we'll nod and not say anything else. If I try to give an observation or compliment, it feels insubstantial. He has told me he feels the same way about my photos. He doesn't hate my work, he just isn't sure how to talk to me about it. Mostly, this is a relief. I feel don't have to explain all these tricky things to him, I can just work in peace. This doesn't just apply to my boyfriend either, I am the same with my best friend. I feel like I fumble around with explanations of things that are usually a more muddled, emotional side of me. Maybe this addresses my own desire to keep my demeanor as controlled as possible. Maybe that's why I make art in the first place; I'm incapable of articulating the more complicated aspects of myself and art is my way to let those things out. Maybe that's cheesy as hell. But, as I told Aurora (whose work is awesome, by the way) the other night, "If I was good at saying this stuff, I would be a writer instead of a photographer."

In other things, this past Saturday I went out with Adam and Aurora to a bar in Visalia to see some of Aurora's paintings and to see some bands, and I was impressed by how cool downtown Visalia is. I also felt a little cheated. How come no one had ever told me how cool it was? How come I had to move to San Jose before I could know how fun Visalia could be? Fresno, take a tip from Visalia: you don't need Sammy Hagar to be cool, you need some local, independently owned restraunts, bars, and shops that are open past 9 o'clock (I'm looking at you, downtown).

Well dang I have hell of gone off on a few things.